Ellen, before writing this, and despite the fact that almost all of what I am about to write is from your own detailed factual summary, I already and absolutely know that I will be lambasted on this fem centric site. Nevertheless...

1. "The suit gave him some allure."

2. He seemed sympathetic, an admirable quality.

3. He ignored your declining another glass of water. But when he nevertheless seized it" to give himself an opportunity to make conversation with you, you accepted that gesture, and encouraged him by choosing to engage him in further conversation.

4. He asked in a "gentlemanly" manner if he could kiss you. You encouraged him and agreed. It appears that he did not carry that kiss so far as to make you feel uncomfortable.

5. He asked if he could call you the next day. In response, you provided your number, even going so far as to enter your number into his phone, thereby not only enabling him to do so, but encouraging him to do so.

6. He called you the next day, despite your feeling that "no man calls when they promise." That made him, in your eyes, part of a rare breed, and I can only assume that in context, "rare" meant good.

7. When he did so, he asked you to lunch. You encouraged him by agreeing.

8. He was early to arrive, or at least earlier than you.

9. He had purchased an array of coffees and stacks of cakes and tarts and they awaited you to give you a wide choice from which to choose.

10. You helped to "finish(ed) the last morsels of food," which to most would show appreciation of the gesture, thereby further encouraging him.

10. You appreciated his kindness in doing so, although you choose the somewhat non complimentary term "charity" in describing this. I suspect that word choice is hindsight.

11. Although he admitted to being between jobs, at least he had a functioning credit card and was willing to expend some money on being a gracious host. (I suspect that the lack of a job was a killer for you.)

12. You encouraged him by reaching across the table, and connected with his hand.

13. He did his best to make you feel comfortable., but you did not tell him that you thought he was nice.

14. He failed to impress you, or, as you say, to make sparks fly, and you pitied him.

15. He asked you for a second date. You said "I can't."

16.After that terse response, but as you were (you claim) about to explain your feelings, he stood up and walked away.

Now that we have dispensed with the facts, your facts, I draw two conclusions, from which you and others may, and I expect many will, differ. The fact that he did not have a job was a killer for you, although you did not ask him about the kind of job for which he was qualified and was seeking. Up to that point, he could have been between positions as a university professor of law, medicine, and nuclear physics. He did not create sparks for you. I don't begrudge you this, although I suspect that his joblessness quelled for you any sparks that might have been possible up to that moment. After all his graciousness and at least six different encouragements by you, he felt insulted when you simply said, "I can't" and he rose and walked away. Now it was your turn to feel insulted. I suspect that had you not, we would never have seen this article.

And I bet that you feel the victim because you extended yourself to be polite right up to the end, and he failed to duly appreciate that in the manner to which you felt you were entitled.

In your personal blurb, you say that your anecdotes may not be true. With that disclaimer, perhaps you created this anecdote intending to create and support a point for the benefit of others. I am returning the favor by creating this commentary to make a point for you, and give you an opportunity to reflect. You are welcome. At 71 years of age, I echo your sentiment that you are still learning about life. I hope that you find some learning opportunity in what I have written and don't just toss it off as "some man's rant."

Incidentally, unless it is a word with which I am and Google is unfamiliar, I assume that the word "induedo" you use in describing yourself and your writings was intended to be "innuendo." There seem to be some dissenters who spell the word with one "n," although its Latin origin lends credence to the two "n's." A typo is just a trivial oversight; it has nothing to do with quality of the message. If you correct it now, no one else will notice that in the future. No charge.

Retired attorney, political liberal, admirer of strong women who neither make blanket assumptions about men, nor place the blame on the man in every conflict.

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